


Believe Me, I Do Care

by bringmesomepie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alone, F/M, Feels, Gen, Guns, Hurt Sam Winchester, MAJOR TEARS, Sorry Not Sorry, Student Castiel, Suicidal Dean, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Hotline, Tears, bad memories, death!fic, major feels, shot in the head, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-21
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2018-01-13 05:37:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1214710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bringmesomepie/pseuds/bringmesomepie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He sat at his desk and did homework at 2 in the morning when the phone rang. Castiel clicked on. “This is the Suicide Hotline. I’m Castiel.”</p><p>“Umm…hi. I really don’t know why I’m calling?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Believe Me, I Do Care

Castiel Novak has been volunteering at places for four years. He just recently started working at the local hospital, taking calls at the suicide hotline. Tonight was a slow night. Castiel never left early. He was always the last person to leave as the morning shift people came in. He stayed from when he got out of his college classes and left around 4 in the morning where he started the cycle all over again. He graduates in 2 months so he could make this a full time thing for a while.

He sat at his desk and did homework at 2 in the morning when the phone rang. Castiel clicked on. “This is the Suicide Hotline. I’m Castiel.”

“Umm…hi. I really don’t know why I’m calling?”

“Well, are you having suicidal thoughts?” Castiel asking pushing his work aside.

“Yeah.”

“What’s your name? Mine is Castiel, Castiel Novak. You can call me Cas, if you’d like.” There was silence on the other line. “Are you still with me?”

“Dean. My name is Dean…Winchester.”

“Do you have a weapon, Dean?”

“Yeah, my Colt MKIV, .45 in my hand right now.”

Cas had no idea what kind of gun that was, but it was a gun and that wasn’t good. “You wanna tell me what’s going on?”

“Not really.” Cas heard shuffling on the other line.

“There has to be a reason you called. What’s going on in your mind?”

“I buried my father today.” Dean rasped.

“I’m sorry.”

“He died of a stroke in his sleep. I was the one who found him dead.”

“I’m sorry for your loss. Is that why you called?”

“No.” Cas could hear the man’s breathing hitch. “I’m all alone.”

“Where are you staying? A house, apartment?”

“I’m in a hotel…all alone.”

“Why are you in a hotel all alone?”

“Everyone I have ever loved has left me.” Dean panted. Cas heard a click. He knew it was the gun in Dean’s hand.

“Who all has left you, Dean?”

“My mom, my Dad, my little brother. They all left me.”

“Where are they then?” Cas knew that the man’s father was dead, but that’s it.

“Dead. Dead, and left me.”

“All of them are…dead?”

“No…my mom died when I was four. You know about my dad. My little brother ran away to go to Stanford.”

“What makes you think that he ran away to Stanford?”

“Your defending him?”

“No, I’m just asking. Why can’t you visit him?”

“He left and didn’t want to see me or our Dad. We had unfinished business to find the person who killed my mom and he just up and left.”

“Have you tried calling him?”

“If I had called he wouldn’t have picked up. It’s how he is. He wants to live an apple pie life and that means leaving his family.” Cas could hear the mans breathing was become labored.

“Dean, would you tell me where you so I can visit you?”

“Why would you want to visit me? I’m 24 year old man who has no one but alcohol.”

“That’s exactly want to visit you. I can help.”

“How could you help me? You’re just reading from a script or something. How should I believe that you truly care and not going to bring paramedics or something?”

“I’ll only bring paramedics if you use that gun that I know is still in your hand. I do care, Dean. Believe me I do. I could be out partying with friends but I come here every night.”

“Why would you skip college parties to listen to random people’s problems?”

“I care about people. I just want to help people.”

There was silence on the other line. Cas could hear shuffling around. Cas started tracking the call. For all Cas knows he could be either helping or making this worse. He heard Dean mumbling to himself. Cas just waited for Dean to speak. That’s when Cas heard Dean pull the slide of the gun.

“Are you still with me, Dean?”

There was a moment of silence. “I didn’t call here for you to back me off the cliff.”

“Why did you call then?” Cas asked worried that he already knew the answer.

“I wanted my last night on earth to be something other than a fight or about my job.”

“Can you tell me where you are, Dean? We can talk in person.”

“I don’t want you to come to me. I’m a mess.”

Cas looked at the computer screen. ‘ _Motel 6; room #7, 1 mile away from the Stanford campus.’_ “Dean, I can honestly tell you that I don’t care what you look like. I just want to help _you_.”

Dean’s breathing hitched again. “There is no helping me.”

Cas looked around the office. There was barely anyone. He spotted his boss, Charlie. She glanced over to him and he motioned that he was taking a mobile headset and phone and he was going on a drive. She nodded and Cas was off. “I would be lying if I agreed with you.”

After a long drawn out pause Dean finally spoke. “I’m a 24 year old high school drop out with 6 bucks to his name sitting in a motel room alone in the dark.”

“Believe it or not, Dean, but I care about you. No man or woman should take their own life. When things seem like they can’t get any worse, don’t just end it all. Troop through it. Yeah, it will be hard but in the end things will get better, they always do” Cas said pulling into a parking space close to the room that Dean’s phone was traced too.

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”

Cas smirked but didn’t reply. He knocked on the door and waited. He heard both footsteps from behind the door and in his ear. That’s when the door opened and an exhausted, tall, dirty blonde messy hair, stunning green eyed man appeared. “14 years ago, my older brother killed himself with a Smith & Wesson Model 500, but not before he got 1 shot off not at himself, but at me. As you can tell I survived. Parts of my memory are gone. Ages 6 and 7 are just a blur. I had to be re taught everything. I mean everything, toilet training, eating, walking, talking, and reading. Doctors told my parents I would probably never have the mental capacity passed a 3rd grader. Look at me now. I graduate college in just 2 months. I majored in psychology so I could help people who are like what my brother was.” Cas confessed in the doorway.

“Why are you here?”

“To tell you it gets better. Believe me, I know. In middle school, you’re supposed to learn algebra or literature, not learning the alphabet or how to count to 100.” Cas paused as he walked into the motel room. Dean still hand the gun in his hand. “So yeah, I know how it feels to just end it all.”

Dean looked down at the ground. His fingers twitched on the gun. “H-How do you know it will get better for me?” Dean whimpered.

“Because you still have your brother. You might not think you do, but he just one phone call away. Hell, you said he went to Stanford. Find him there.”

Dean nodded flicked the safety on, on the gun and set it down on the bedside table. Dean looked at the clock. “Thanks for the help, Cas.”

“Are you going to be ok?”

“Yeah, I’m just gonna sleep for a few hours before I call my brother, Sam, at around 7:30 before classes. You should get going?”

“Are you sure?” Cas asked unsure if he should really leave.

“Yeah, like I said when I first called, I didn’t know why I really called.” Dean sighed.

Cas looked around the room. “Well, if you ever feel like you’re going to fall of the bandwagon, just call me. Anytime, anywhere.” Cas said writing his cell phone number.

Dean nodded and Cas started walking towards the door. “Thanks a bunch, Castiel Novak.”

Cas smiled. “Good luck, Dean.”

&^%$#@!@#$%^&^%$#@!@#$%^&*&^%$#@!

Dean flopped on the bed and slept for 2 hours before waking up and calling his little brother. It rang twice before someone answered. “Hello?” A woman asked.

“Hi, is Sam there?”

“Yeah, let me get him.” Dean waited for a few moments then a gruff voice appeared.

“Hello?”

“Sammy?”

It took a moment. “Dean? Why are you calling?”

“I had to talk to you.”

“Dean, you know what I said when I left.”

“Yeah, Sammy, I know.”

“Stop calling me Sammy. Dean, I know it hard to hear but I am shutting out any little hint of my old life. That means you.”

“Come on, Sam. This is important.”

“I’m out of that life, Dean. I mean it.”

“It’s important. Dad…”

“I don’t care, Dean.”

“Dad said he was…”

“Getting closer to finding the thing that killed Mom. I know the tale, Dean. That’s all Dad ever says. He always says that and he probably is wrong and will show up again and say that same thing two weeks from now.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Sam.”

“No, I’m right, Dean. I’m ending this conversation, Dean. Don’t call me again.”

“No, wait, Sam.”

“Goodbye, Dean.” Sam hung up.

“Sam? SAM?!?” Dean looked at the phone and saw that Sam had ended the call. Dean dialed Cas’s number and only got his answering machine.

_‘Uhh…Hi, Cas. It’s Dean. You know the man who you just talked off the cliff. Well, I’m back and worse. You’re wrong. When things seem like they couldn’t get any worse…they can. Call me back ASAP. Please, I need your help.’_

Dean dialed the Suicide Hotline again. “This is the Suicide Hotline. I’m Charlie.”

“Um, is Castiel Novak there?”

“No, he just left.”

“Damn, do you think you could leave him a message for me?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, this was the only way I could try to reach him. I’m a friend of his. Can you just leave a message for him.”

“Umm, sure.”

“Tell him that he’s wrong and that some people just have more will power.”

“Ok….can I ask what is your—“ Dean hung up.

Dean gripped his gun again. He brought it up to his and and close his eyes that were streaming tears. “Thanks you, Sam.”

&^%$#@#$^&^%$#@@#$%^&*

Cas walked into the Hospital after classes and sat down at this desk. Charlie immediately walked over to him. “Strange things happened today while you were gone.”

“What happened?”

“A guy called asking for you. I never got his name but he wanted me to pass on a message. He says _‘You’re wrong and that some people just have more willpower.’_ It’s weird.

Cas’s eyes grew wide. “Uhh…Charlie, I have to go.” Cas jumped out of his seat and out of the building. He jumped into his car and drove to the Motel 6.

That’s where Cas found Dean. In a puddle of his own blood and his eyes wide open. Cas screamed for help and paramedics arrived minutes later.

Cas stood in the parking lot by his car red eyed and tears stained cheeks. One thought ran through his head. _‘I could have saved him.’_

A paramedic walked over to Cas. “IS there anyone that you know of that we can contact about him.”

Cas shook his head. “I got that taken care of.” The paramedic nodded and walked away. Cas was going to find Sam.

&^%$#@!@#$%^&^%$#@!@#$%^&

**_3 Weeks Later…_ **

“Are you Sam Winchester?” Sam looked over at the man who abruptly asked him as he was walking out of his last class of the day.

“Yeah, who are you? How do you know me?”

“I’m no one important, I do have to talk to you about something important. Care to find somewhere to talk.”

Sam nodded and the two men found a quietly café. “What is so important?”

“I have done a lot of research about you Sam. You Mother, Mary Winchester, Father, John Winchester, brother, Dean Winchester.”

“What are you talking about, already? Right now, you are sounding very creepy.”

“I know what you did. You hunted things in the dark because something killed your mother when you were 6 months old.”

“How did you…”

“3 weeks ago, I contacted one Bobby Singer and he told me a lot. John Winchester killed the thing that killed your mother. He died of a stroke a few moments later. Bobby thinks it was a side effect of some sort.”

“My Dad’s dead?” Sam panicked.

“Dead as a door nail.”

“So that’s what Dean called about.”

“Yeah, 3 weeks ago Dean Winchester called you.You know who he called before you.” Cas paused. Sam shook his head. “The Suicide Hotline. Where I work. Shortly after he called you, he shot himself in the head.”

“Dean’s….Dead.” Sam’s face drained of all color. “No…He can’t be…You’re lying!”

“I’m not. He called the suicide hotline because he was all alone. John Winchester had just died and you left him for college. He said that even if he was staying in a motel just a mile away from Stanford.”

“He called me 3 weeks ago he called me wanting to tell me something about Dad. I wouldn’t let him speak. I told him that I couldn’t speak to him anymore. I had to cut him out of my life. Oh God.” Sam gasped.

“I had him off the cliff and you brought him right back on. Then he tried to call me again yet I couldn’t answer my phone.” Cas said blankly.

“OH God.” Sam panicked as he rose to his feet. “I need to get home.” Cas followed beside Sam as he walked down the street. “I’m sorry, this is too much for me.”

“And it wasn’t too much for Dean?”

“Man, I already feel guilty I don’t need you hammering me.” Sam crossed his arms over his chest.

“Dean was a good man from what I know of him.” Cas mumbled.

Sam nodded. “He was. He was probably the most caring person I know.”

“Then why did you want to cut him out of your life?”

“You said you talked to Bobby Singer. If you somehow got him to talk to you about the family business you know how you don’t just get out. You either have to play safe and never talk to the people in the business or risk your life.”

“But he was your brother?”

“Yeah, I know.” Sam sighed fishing in his jean pockets and pulled out his keys. He opened the door and walked inside. Cas followed. A woman was sitting the couch reading. She looked up and saw Sam. There was no hiding the tears streaming down Sam’s face.

“Sam?” She looked surprised and jumped up from the couch over to Sam. She wrapped herself around Sam.

“Jess…this—this is…”

“Castiel.” Cas answered. Jess looked over at the black haired man.

“I’m Jess.” She smiled then looked back over to Sam. “What’s wrong, Sam?”

Sam smirked. “I found out something bad.” Sam looked over to Cas. Cas looked down at the ground.

“What?”

Sam took a breath. Cas walked over to the man and woman and moved them into the living room. “You can do it Sam.”

Sam just stared at Cas and nodded. “I found out that my father and my brother have both died.”

Jess gasped and wrapped herself around Sam once again. Cas rose to his feet. “I’m going to leave you be. If you ever need me here’s my cell phone number. I also work at the Suicide Hotline.”

Sam nodded again and wiped his eyes and stood. He stretched out his hand towards Cas. “Thank you, Castiel.”

Cas nodded and took the other man’s hand. “Good luck, Sam.” That was the last time Castiel saw Sam Winchester.

                                                                                ***


End file.
